Today I stepped on the scale for the first time in about 2 weeks. And later I will get into what I saw and how I felt. But first a couple of things I wanted to mention.
Two nights ago I went out to see a huge number of my friends that I had no seen in about a year. It was a great time and I even drank some. No worries, a respectable amount. By the end of the night (keep in mind the whole “event” lasted from 9pm to 1am) I had had maybe 4 drinks. This is less than 1 per hour. But by the end of the night I was slightly tipsy since my alcohol intake has consisted of mainly a sip here and there just to taste, I was after all in wine country! But back to two nights ago, with my inhabitations lowered and very much in a good mood from seeing everyone again, I found myself wanting a binge. I have not binged in a very long time since I do seem to have a handle on it, but with my willpower and sanity slightly compromised I let myself. I had a kit kat, a turkey sandwich, two or three sesame snaps, 2 bowls of cereal and a handful of cheese crackers. Ouch, I know. But this time even though I had pretty much completely sobered up by the end of my binge. I did not feel the need to purge. Just once I was in control of my rational mind and didn’t let Stacy tell me that I was going to wake up huge, fat, 10 sizes bigger. I said to myself, you will look the same in the morning. One binge is not going to make me fat, the same way one meal is not going to make me fat.
Now I don’t know if this sudden bit of clarity is something temporary or maybe more permanent, because the following day I was overwhelmed with guilt. Not because I did not purge, but because I had binged in the first place. And I think that’s a good thing? Maybe I can slowly start deleting the word “purge” from Stacy’s list of personality traits. Obviously I will still have to deal with my other issues like binging, calorie restriction, body image and confidence. But lets just fix one symptom at a time.
Now back to the scale. I saw that weighed 48kg at the end of the day with a fresh meal in my stomach. This meaning I will most likely be around 47-47.5 in the morning (my actual weight minus the food from the day). I left for France weighing about 50kg. And so 47.5kg will be my lowest ever weight. And I will give the theory on why I currently weigh so little in the next post. But for now the point I am making to you, but mostly myself. Is that one meal, or one binge is in fact not going to make you fat. I managed a three-course meal and a binge without it affecting my weight. Our bodies were built to handle the occasional beating, so it sure as hell can handle a little extra food.
Two nights ago I went out to see a huge number of my friends that I had no seen in about a year. It was a great time and I even drank some. No worries, a respectable amount. By the end of the night (keep in mind the whole “event” lasted from 9pm to 1am) I had had maybe 4 drinks. This is less than 1 per hour. But by the end of the night I was slightly tipsy since my alcohol intake has consisted of mainly a sip here and there just to taste, I was after all in wine country! But back to two nights ago, with my inhabitations lowered and very much in a good mood from seeing everyone again, I found myself wanting a binge. I have not binged in a very long time since I do seem to have a handle on it, but with my willpower and sanity slightly compromised I let myself. I had a kit kat, a turkey sandwich, two or three sesame snaps, 2 bowls of cereal and a handful of cheese crackers. Ouch, I know. But this time even though I had pretty much completely sobered up by the end of my binge. I did not feel the need to purge. Just once I was in control of my rational mind and didn’t let Stacy tell me that I was going to wake up huge, fat, 10 sizes bigger. I said to myself, you will look the same in the morning. One binge is not going to make me fat, the same way one meal is not going to make me fat.
Now I don’t know if this sudden bit of clarity is something temporary or maybe more permanent, because the following day I was overwhelmed with guilt. Not because I did not purge, but because I had binged in the first place. And I think that’s a good thing? Maybe I can slowly start deleting the word “purge” from Stacy’s list of personality traits. Obviously I will still have to deal with my other issues like binging, calorie restriction, body image and confidence. But lets just fix one symptom at a time.
Now back to the scale. I saw that weighed 48kg at the end of the day with a fresh meal in my stomach. This meaning I will most likely be around 47-47.5 in the morning (my actual weight minus the food from the day). I left for France weighing about 50kg. And so 47.5kg will be my lowest ever weight. And I will give the theory on why I currently weigh so little in the next post. But for now the point I am making to you, but mostly myself. Is that one meal, or one binge is in fact not going to make you fat. I managed a three-course meal and a binge without it affecting my weight. Our bodies were built to handle the occasional beating, so it sure as hell can handle a little extra food.