Today has been one of the worst days in a really long time, I really tripped up and am still trying to find level ground. I type this in a state of something I would like to name “chaos”. Today I binged and purged for the first time in quite a while. I took out an entire box of cereal and then spent the next hour over the toilet due to the fact that apparently the cereal I chose did not come up quite as quickly as I put it down. I am a little concerned that my being alone sparks my binge-purge cycle and so try and keep my self with company because of it. But my binge purge session was not the only thing that caused me distress today. I am recently discovering a bipolar tendency of mine. When I start the binge purge session I will immediately feel awful about myself and my body that it ends up spilling over into the other things I do. A friend asked me to help him with his homework in a subject I am supposedly quite good in. Unfortunately it had been a while since I had practiced that subject and I was unable to answer many of the questions presented. After about 45 minutes of struggling I threw in the towel and found myself in a sobbing hysterical mess. It was the cherry on top of that day I suppose. Failing to exercise when I had planned to, binging and purging, and finally not being able to perform academically.
Today was a bad day, but even though right now I am still deep in the state of “chaos” I know that its only temporary.
Today was a bad day, but even though right now I am still deep in the state of “chaos” I know that its only temporary.