So I realize that its been a while and I am on vacation and I would love to blame it on that. But to be honest I have been doing a lot better than normal. Never did I EVER think that have all those who are close to me (and so therefore spend all my time with) know about my issue would make me feel safer and less judged if anything. Being where I am today with all that I have endured and learned, if I could give someone who is going through a similar situation just one tip it would be to tell those closest to you. Because my family knows that my relationship with food is something that needs work I can eat my rather “interesting” diet without the judgment or comments that I used to get when they were unaware. I can make my egg whites without getting grief for wasting yolks, I can have a meal with my family and say no thanks to the carbs without feeling like I am giving away a secret or feel the need to explain myself. And something that I cannot explain the joy it gives me is being able to eat out again without pretty much a guarantee of a purge afterwards. Because before if I ate out at a place that did not cater to my “needs” I would either get a normal meal and feel terrible about it later and most likely purge or I would make such ridiculous requests on my orders that I could not help but feel awkward, uncomfortable, exposed and above all; Judged. But now having people know that eating out is something I struggle with I can either suggest a restaurant I know prepares food to my liking or I can comfortably make my ridiculous requests and know that they understand and wont criticize me for them. I overall feel so much safer and comfortable having others aware then when they were in the dark. I used to think by keeping it to myself would in someway make the situation less of a big deal but I had no idea that by letting others in I would be lightening my load so much more. For example the other night I had and overwhelming urdge to binge and I went to the fridge and I could not find a single food item that I wanted to binge on. This is because having my family aware made it so that all food that was unhealthy was either quickly finished or removed. My options were literally limited to bread, vegetables, fruit and condiments. After spending 30 minutes just trying to find something that sounded good to me all I had was a piece of 85% dark chocolate and called it a day and just went straight to bed. If my family did not know about my problem the fridge and cabinets would be laced with all my favorite trigger foods.
Honestly I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who are sympathetic and caring to alter their usually way of life to cater to my needs. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes I feel terrible about it. I am forcing people around me, especially my family, to heavily alter their lifestyles but in the end the idea is that this will be temporary and I will be able to live in a household with sugary cereals in the cabinet and not have it taunt and torture me. And to put a positive light on it, I have been sharing my healthy recipes with family and friends and showing them healthy can be delicious too and I love cooking for them and they love being cooked for! Hahaha so in the end maybe we will all benefit from my demon ;)
Honestly I am so lucky to be surrounded by people who are sympathetic and caring to alter their usually way of life to cater to my needs. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes I feel terrible about it. I am forcing people around me, especially my family, to heavily alter their lifestyles but in the end the idea is that this will be temporary and I will be able to live in a household with sugary cereals in the cabinet and not have it taunt and torture me. And to put a positive light on it, I have been sharing my healthy recipes with family and friends and showing them healthy can be delicious too and I love cooking for them and they love being cooked for! Hahaha so in the end maybe we will all benefit from my demon ;)